Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
