My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
