you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize