you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So here I am, sexting at work.
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