The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize