of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
