theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
