he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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