I CAN MOONWALK!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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