you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
