I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
