Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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