Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
