those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
