I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
