He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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