i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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