She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
