i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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