i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
