he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
