I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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