wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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