She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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