i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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