When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
