conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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