so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
this hospital has no fireball
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
