i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
