You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
