we have pet lesbian snakes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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