I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
