Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize