I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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