I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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