my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
