I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
