hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
