Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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