I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
