Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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