I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
