i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
