1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
