I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
