Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
