He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
