I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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