Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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