you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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