I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize