Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
