I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
