So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
