exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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