just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
