I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
