I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
