I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
