fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
