4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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