Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
