He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
