Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
