My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
