My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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